The Death of Rule #178

Before I was a parent, my YCS (Younger, cooler self) was an idealistic young thang. She had very lofty plans for her future children and her role as a mother. Everything would be perfect. She would go above and beyond to be the best mom she could be. In her mind was a list of rules to which she would adhere and use to raise the healthiest, most well behaved and well adjusted children in the neighborhood. Of course, as you can guess from my previous posts, those rules all died vicious, horrendous deaths. The following is an account of how one of those rules went down in flames.

Rule #178- I Will Never Buy My Children a Portable DVD Player.

My rationale behind the rule was solid. I thought that kids should be able to entertain themselves on a road trip (OK, maybe it was an “if I had to do it you can do it too” mentality, sue me!). There are plenty of things to occupy a kid during a road trip. There are books, toys even hand-held video games (another rule; different dreadful end; we’ll talk about that one later). Looking back, my rule and the ideas that spawned it were based on a delusional idea of what it was like to have kids. I also overestimated my ability to withstand torture.
It was the middle of summer. We were embarking on our yearly trip to our state’s capital. Essentially we take the kids to the zoo so that we can see how real animals behave and feel better about our parenting skills. Plus, the boys get to see animals pooping and humping in a simulated “natural” environment. Everybody wins!
The car was packed, we hit the road and before we got off the ramp and onto the interstate the kids had been through every book, toy and snack I had packed for the 4 ½ hour drive. The Oldest was only four at the time. Now, we knew he talked a lot at home. He had developed a continuous stream of conversation that lasted throughout the day. An RSS feed, if you will, of every thought that entered his mind. And believe me, this kid has thoughts ricocheting through his brain at an unbelievable rate. We never thought about how that chatter would translate to an even smaller, enclosed environment.
Another unfortunate decision on the part of me and the Hubbin’—we chose to take the scenic route over a gorgeous pass that is so mountainous it is impassable during any other time of year. How were we to know that the road was under construction in several areas and that most of the pass was down to one lane. The trip took 5 ½ hours and that kid talked THE ENTIRE TIME! I found myself bouncing my head against my window as I fantasized about biting off a piece of the glass and chewing on it. You know, just to ease the pain I was feeling. That boy talked so much that I was actually worried about his oxygenation level. All that talking, combined with the high elevation, it couldn’t be healthy!
Before we even made it to our destination, the Hubbin’ and I looked at each other and, with a shrug of resignation, I asked, “So, we’ll get a DVD player before we head home, right?” RIP Rule #178

9 Replies to “The Death of Rule #178”

  1. Don’t worry, this makes you no more a failure than the rest of us. I broke many of my idealistic “rules” after becoming a parent. Par for the course. 🙂

  2. HA HA! I know what you mean! My 2 yo will talk nonstop and the thoughts are flying through his head faster than he could ever get them out of his mouth, but that doesn’t stop him from trying! 🙂

    Great blog and thanks for the laugh!

  3. OMGosh!! I have one of those talking bobbleheads myself. I am sure he burns at least a gazillion calories a second from all the talking. Maybe I should start talking more.

  4. My son is not a talkaholic yet, thank the lord jesus. But I am still holding on to the no portable DVD player rule. My kid watches way too much TV as it is. But I’m sure that the temptation will slay me one of these days.

  5. You are hilarious – keep writing!

  6. The road to parenthood is paved with foolish ideals. If can’t count the # of times I’ve done something that I said I would NEVER do.

  7. I could barely get through this post without crying I laughed so hard. Trust me it does get better…well…until they become teenagers.

    Thanks for such a funny story.

  8. AAhhh the portable DVD player was created by God herself. I don’t know how my parents got through trips without them, although, we weren’t strapped in the entire time either. I justify my portable with thoughts like, the kids are allowed 30 minutes of TV on weekdays and vacation is supposed to be special and it’s a really long ride and I won’t let them watch the entire ride and I pick the movies they can choose from and They’ll do better watching DVD’s on a family vacation than on a prison trip to see their Mom!

  9. […] should know that this is the child that this is the child who caused the untimely death of Rule #178. The child who talks…and talks….and talks…you get my point. He talks ALOT! And […]

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