The family felon has been at it again. For those of you who aren’t familiar with Li’l Bastard, you can get acquainted with his previous crimes here. You see, Li’l Bastard is a criminal to rival all highly evolved criminals. For every road block I put up to curb his criminal ways, he finds another way around them and an all new, highly evolved crime.
Since his last incarceration, Li’l Bastard has been on a very strict probationary period. He’s been sporting the electric monitoring device, similar to Lindsay Lohan’s only worn around his neck as opposed to the ankle. And, like Lindsay Lohan, is always looking for a way around the system. He quickly learned where the loopholes in the system are (the front door, the garage door, any door leading to the front yard) and he will run over anyone to get through that loophole.
Several weeks ago we had a breakdown in the system. We replaced the system (that was the easiest and most expensive solution) only to find out that we would have to rewire the entire yard. The Hubbin’ was convinced that Li’l Bastard “won’t get out” and that he was trained to respect the boundaries. I guess, by the theory of Pavlov’s dog, we assumed he was conditioned and wouldn’t even get close to the fence. We were wrong.
It started with the trash cans. Those enticing scents, drew him near, and he found that he could get into the trash. What a party it must have been when he tipped over the first full can, and I can only guess by the confetti that was left behind in the yard. Next, it was the gates left open by the kids. There was the narrow space under the front gate. Then jumping on the fence to bark at the joggers, walkers, bikers, cars, and birds that passed the fence. And then, because going over and under the fence became too easy, he decided to go through it. It wasn’t just that he was literally breaking his way through the fence, but there was something very Shawshank Redemption about it. When we found the whole it was around a corner, behind the bushes and splintered wood panels unseen under the bushes. The only thing missing was a RIta Hayworth poster to cover the hole.
And so, Li’l Bastard is back on parole. The yard has been rewired, electric collar has brand new batteries and the neighborhood can rest easy again.