I Can’t Be Alone In This

I have to believe that there is truth in the thought that, at some point every person feels that their lives have veered far from the path they imagined. That they look around and realize that, despite their best efforts, they seem to be failing in so many areas. Health, parenting, finances, home management, career and even hobbies and leisure activities all seem to be in a constant state of chaos. I have to believe that this is true for everyone, otherwise it means that I am in this alone.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not one of those people who seeks perfection in my life. I actually avoid perfection at all costs. If I ran into Martha Stewart on the street I would run screaming, she isn’t of the earthly realm. There is something not quite right about perfection in a person, it’s almost unholy really.  I enjoy flaws. I find beauty in marred beauty. The problem is, so many things in my life have gone beyond that. My life is chaos and spiraling dangerously out of control. There are major flaws in my self care skills, parenting, organization, spirituality, and everything impacts everything else. I’ve had so many “false starts”, in which I vow to do better, to make a change, only to fail by noon. How many times can I announce to the world that I’ve made changes? That this time I vow to succeed? Instead of The Boy Who Cried Wolf I am The Girl Who Cried Reform. It’s embarrassing, really.

So, what do I do? Make another sweeping proclamation of my intent to finally get my shit together? How about this, I’ll focus on what I have succeeded in. I’ll sound the damn trumpets and strike up the band for every little success until I get my ass back on track.  So, to start (cue the applause…) I finally cleaned off the top of my desk and one shelf in my office closet. Oh, yes my friends, I now have a place for my computer to sit without the risk of fire caused by piles of papers and I could actually put something away in the closet (I could, I didn’t say that I have yet. Baby steps, my friends). I realize that it’s a far leap from controlling paperwork on my desk to controlling lifes bigger issues but I look at like a new exercise program. You have to start with the 3 pound dumbbells and work your way up to dead lifts. It’s time to get my reps in…

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