Certainly every parent out there has laughed at one of their children being tortured, right? No? Just me? Well, to make matters worse, not only am I laughing at the torture being inflicted upon The Oldest, I am also the proud mother of the perp, or as I like to call him: The Middle.
To set the story up there are a few things you need to know about my two oldest boys. The Oldest has wanted to be a soldier since he was two years old. He lives & breathes the military and his ambitions have been unwavering. He shows a deep reverence for all things military & still has the letters from his soldier pen pal and a plastic bag that his soldier’s wife gave him that had pencils & other military themed objects. I cannot stress how obsessive serious this boy is about his future in the armed services. Now, as devoted as The Oldest is to all things military, The Middle is just as steadfast in his ambitions to continuously fuck with his older brother.
The Oldest went in to shower this evening. Being very careful about one of his most precious items, dog tags actually engraved with his name (imagine Gollum stroking the ring while cooing, “My Precious…” and you get the idea), he closed the drain & put the tags in the sink.
Feeling a shift in the universal balance between the good and evil–and finding an unlocked door– The Middle made his way into the bathroom, discovered the cherished item and made off with it.
Here is how I came into the story: I had just finished the dishes when I heard a funny noise. click-click, click-click, click-click. I went back and forth from the kitchen to the living room. click-click, click-click, click-click. It was then that I noticed the dog following me…
I immediately knew who the perpetrator was and called him into the room to chastise him. “You know how mad he’s going to be,” I told him. To which The Middle responded, “I know. When he asks where his dog tags are I’m just gonna tell him ‘I don’t know, did you check the dog?'” At that moment my heart swelled with a very conflicted sort of pride. And I knew that, although I should use that moment to make him more aware of how his actions, even in jest, can affect another person, it just wasn’t in my heart. This was too damn funny!
(…and before you send me a shocked nasty-gram about this: The Oldest thought it was damn funny too!)